No one will ever bridge that gap and point to your stomach or your hair or your eyes in the mirror and magically make you see the wonderful things about getting to be next to you. And maybe that’s it, after all, this fear that no one will ever truly feel about you the way you want to be felt about. Maybe what you want is someone to make you love yourself, to put sense into all that positive rhetoric, to make it so the aloneness of TV and blasting music in your ears at all times isn’t the most happy place you can think of. Maybe you want someone who makes you so sure of how wonderful things are that you cannot help but to tell them your feelings first, even at the risk of being humiliated. Because you will know that, when you’re telling them you love them, what you’re really saying is “I love who I become when I am with you.
Chelsea Fagan, For When You Think That No One Will Love You (via perfect)
Bout sums up my life.
I feel like I fucked up what we had; our friendship, our relationship, how you look at me. I might still be broken, I might still be slowly piecing myself together, but I don’t need you to fix me. I just need you to love me for who I am and be there for me.
I’m not good with words, and I’m not good at keeping friendships for long; to be honest I don’t think I’m good at much other than being able to destroy everything good I touch. I’ve gotten a lot better though, and you’re not that easy to push away. I didn’t see you for 2 days, didn’t get to hear you laugh, see your smile, get to hug you… And for those 2 days I thought maybe I could do it; but I thought about you too much.
I feel like I’m writing some sort of stupid love story that ended terribly. And I guess for me it kinda is. I love everything about you, I love how you can tease me and get away with it, how we joke, that we go out for walks or drives or coffee or food, how I can be with you not saying a thing and it’s not awkward, how it doesn’t bother me when you see me naked, that when I’m with you I feel beautiful. And I feel like because of this one mistake I have just torn away everything.
I should be sleeping, but all I can think about is how I’m sleeping alone tonight, regardless of the fact that we both work early tomorrow. My bed still has the faintest scent of you left. And I know in a few days it’ll be gone… Maybe I should just throw them in the wash right now and get it over with.
But I don’t understand why it hurts so much. I haven’t really lost you, you were never mine. Though I never wanted to be caught, you got a grip me. I fell for your charm, your kindness and understanding, your outlook on life, nature, and people, and your smile. I don’t know what you saw in me, you’ve mentioned a couple things, things I try and see. I try to be a better person than I used to be every day; I find little things that make me happy, things that make me look forward to tomorrow. Right now I’m just trying to take things by the hour… Because you say you aren’t leaving, but the look in your eye makes me nervous. If I could explain this to you I would, but I’m worried it would just push you away more. That’s why I’ve been so distant. I’m sorry I’m so difficult lately. I like the person I am with you a lot better, she just doesn’t come out very often…
Basically describes my life right now
The number of times I wish I could just leave this place to I wouldn’t have to see, or hear, or talk to people I want to have nothing to do with…
I’ve been thinking about our “fight” for over a week. And you know what… At this point, you’re just not worth my time. When I saw you today, I felt nothing. Nothing pinged in my heart, nothing jumped in my stomach, I didn’t feel the need or want to smile or talk to you. You were just there. There was nothing special about it. And I’m not really sorry if you’re hurt by that, because the number of days and nights that I spent hurt and thinking about you are countless. And, I’m just over it. Over you.
I give up. I will love who I want to. I’m tired of being pushed to put a label on myself.
“I wanna be scared, don’t wanna know why
Wanna feel good, don’t have to be right
The world makes all kinds of rules for love
I say you gotta let it do what it does”
I will love who makes me happy. That’s the end of it.
I don’t know if you’ll even read this, more so if you’ll care. I’m sorry for blowing up, especially at you. I hate watching you date these guys while I sit here tormented having liked you since I met you, wanting to date you, hug you at night, kiss you whenever I wanted, hold your hand for everyone to see…
Yet it’s safer to be in the closet…
We have our times where we talk a lot, and others where it’s here and there; but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to, it doesn’t mean I don’t think about you, and it doesn’t mean that when we talk I’ll always make the best decisions. Like I said, I worked our “friendship” out, him and I worked it out. He’s not mad at you. He won’t be mad at you. I will always do what it takes to keep you out of the crossfire.
For so long all I wanted was you. And then I found someone new, and when that was done you were there, and it was like I fell all over again, just harder. I can’t take having my heart wrenched at like that. I get that it’s hard, what with the opinions of people mattering, especially family. But if you really care about someone you work through that. So I don’t know why I keep torturing myself with the thought that maybe one day you could love me. And all of this just adds to the fact of why I blew up at you. But we never talk about it, mainly because I think that you don’t want to. And I’m probably right, because talking about it would mean opening up. And that’s something that you don’t do. You like to be a closed book, only showing the happy side, you like to be a mystery, that’s part of what’s so appealing. But everything about you is just so beautiful, It’s like you’ve spent so much time stitching yourself together in the perfect manner that that’s what you’ve become. Perfect, in a manner of speaking.
I’m mad because I left behind and forgot almost everyone from high school; and the ones I chose to keep around were the ones I valued very highly, regardless of what happened in the past, what was said, and what was done. The people who I saw the most good and the most life in I held on to. You were one of them. You made me happy, made me laugh when I needed it the most, you were there for me when I didn’t deserve it. And I hate admitting I’m wrong, so I get mad. And then I get even. Yeah, what you said was probably right. But you should have known that would hurt, a lot. And with that pain that I would lash out at you. So I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything to him, and I shouldn’t have snapped at you.
How terrible it is to feel so completely empty. When all you need is for someone to show they care, but everyone walks past you like you’re fine.
Should I buy a longboard? Most are on sale, my friend just bought one and wants me to so I can rip around with him. I think I’d enjoy it. :\
I’m thinking of getting a white tattoo, instead of the traditional black ones… Your opinions?
. Please sign the petition to close this disgusting zoo.
I signed,please sign too!
Please, do that guys
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SIGN THE SHIT OUT OF THAT PETITION
Take a minute to sign this! No animal should have to live like this!